not sweatin' it

It was my weigh-in day. Honestly, I expected to gain weight. It was just one of those weeks. Still feel somewhat dependent on sugar, but my food consumption is WAY down. And the weirdest thing ever is that I seriously do NOT crave carbs! I met up with some friends for brunch on the weekend and I thought for sure my body would do crazy things when I had a bit of carbs (I had a small piece of french toast and a small piece of a grilled cheese eggs benedict ... and it was awesome ... but I was SUPER okay with my small pieces). The restaurant we went to had a 'family style' food. So obviously I had to taste everything.

OH, and get this! I bought a 'mamba' (10 points if you know what that is) and I opened it and gave some to my daughter and I ate one. ONE. And it was WAY.TOO.SWEET. So I didn't eat any more of it. I had no desire to. It's the weirdest thing ever.

And I'm pretty sure that the last time I went 'Primal' I lasted 3 weeks. But I was way stricter. I hit the 3 week mark today and I have no plans of quitting. I think the whole 'baby step' method I'm doing is actually working. The fact that even with a few 'discretions', I didn't gain weight - well I see that as a good thing.

So this week I'm not foreseeing any more brunches and I'm still focusing on cutting back on the sugar thing. But I'm off of soda, I don't miss it, and I'm pretty much off of carbs too. Oh, and legumes. I'm off of those, but I was never really into them to begin with. 

Sugar

This week I was supposed to get off of sugar. But I gotta admit. It's actually really hard. I'm doing well with everything else ... but sugar just has a hold on me. And the bummer thing, is that I think my sugar consumption is going to stall the weight loss.

I will say, it's really odd to not crave carbs. Like I can look at bread, and pasta and crackers and cookies and not be tempted at all. In a weird way, I almost fear them ... like I kinda think that if I have some of those carbs, that I'll crave them and then I'll be back to where I was in the beginning. So it's just better to stay away, right?

Anyway ... nothing else to really report ... but just figured I'd document my Sugar cravings. Hopefully I'll be able to look back (in the not too distant future) and think its funny that I was having a hard time ... as by then I'll have kicked the habit. 

Okay, off to bed. Oh - and my weigh-ins are on Tuesdays now.

Holla!

I think its time to resurrect the blog. I literally just decided this a few minutes ago, and was totally stoked that I actually remembered the pass-word to log back in.

I have no idea if anyone will read this (since I've been gone for almost a year), but I'm honestly not writing it for other people. This time, it's just for me. Sure, I welcome anyone who wants to follow along to do so, but this time around, I'm just doing this whole thing how I want to do it. I'm not going to try and please other people, but just focus on my own journey. I promise that I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but it's just a realization that I've come to over the past 10-11 months since I've been gone.

And speaking of the past 10-11 months ... gosh. So much has happened.

Now that it seems so far in the past, I'll share a bit of what happened right before I left. We got hit with an enormous and completely unexpected tax bill. Like it drained our entire adoption fund and I was left to try and scramble to find the money to bring our son home. It seemed impossible. I was completely overwhelmed. And honestly, it completely consumed me. But everything worked out in the end, we brought our youngest son home in early June, and I also started a new photography business. So I think it's fair to say that we've been busy. 

But life has fallen into a comfortable routine and our youngest one has transitioned beautifully. The husband and I were talking about how we wanted to get back on Primal train ... so January 1st, we did.

Of course things were harder for me (as they always seem to be), but I'm okay with it. I've decided to slowly transition to Primal this time around because:

A) I do NOT have time to get 'carb flu' (from lack of carbs)
B) If I go cold turkey - I'll probably cheat more

So Week 1 resulted me in only losing .5lbs. BUT - the good news is that I'm completely off of soda. Not only have I kicked the Diet Pepsi/Coke habit, but I'm completely off of caffeine all together. The weird thing, is that it was WAY easier than I expected. It was like I just woke up one morning and was like, 'I'm quitting'. And that's exactly what happened.

The second week, I lost 2.5lbs (and that brings us up to date currently). I did this by cutting out the carbs. That first week I ate a lot of rice (I know, not surprising!). But this week I've really pulled back. I think I've had a small bit of rice once or twice, but I'm basically off of that too. Since it was gradual, I'm feeling good and I haven't gone through any withdrawls.

This week I need to focus on pulling back on my sugar intake. This is mainly in the form of fruit and dark chocolate. I've kind of let myself use it as my 'vice' as I was quitting all the other stuff. But now it's time to get that under control.

So there you have it. That's where I'm at. And honestly, I'm feeling really good about it! But don't worry - it won't be going to my head any time soon, as the husband has already lost 8lbs these first two weeks. Men ... ugh. 

didn't mean to worry you guys!

Gosh - I'm SO sorry if I'm making you guys worry. For reals. I've been wanting to write about what it's like to be an 'emotional eater' for some time now, and considering I was stressed out on Saturday I thought it would be the perfect time since I could totally identify my 'triggers'. 

So again, I apologize for causing any unnecessary drama. For reals! Totally not my intention. 

But Jess - I will take you up on that phone call - we haven't chatted in forever!!!

humor me, and play along for a sec ...

Okay, so I want you to imagine that you just got news that you find to be completely devastating. For reals - whatever YOU would personally find to be horrible news to hear. And I want you to feel those emotions. The fear. The uncertainty of what you're next step will be. The sadness. The shedding of tears, the anger. That ache in your stomach that just makes your whole body feel nauseous. Truly try and put yourself 'there'. 

Now I want you to think about what you would do to help calm you down. Is it talking to a certain friend or family member? Is it going for a run? Having a drink? Taking a nap? Seriously - what steps do you take to calm yourself down? Really identify what it is that helps you. And over the next few days ... weeks, if you start to feel stressed again, what do you do to combat those feelings? Again ... really try to identify that. 

Got it figured it out? 

Now imagine whatever it is that you use to calm yourself down and bring you back to reality is completely taken away. You CANNOT use that method to help you. So in the middle of your 'crisis' you not only have to figure out how to handle that, but you have to find new ways to cope. And if you complain about it or use those methods anyway, people will say, 'c'mon, don't give into that. you don't need that to cope. seriously. don't be so weak.'

Can you guess where I'm going with this? 

I'm just trying to paint the picture of what it's like when you're an emotional eater (like myself). For whatever reason, some of us are prone to use food as a coping mechanism. And yes, there are MUCH better methods out there, but when you're 'used' to using a certain one time and time again, it's hard to all of the sudden make a switch - especially in the middle of a stressful situation. And it's not like you can really 'roll play' it, because in the middle of a 'crisis' you have no idea what you're going to be feeling, or how you're going to react. 

Now, I don't want to panic anyone. I'm not having a huge crisis; my family is healthy, there is nothing going on that will kill us or leave us destitute. But I am facing some challenges that I find to be kind of overwhelming. But I'll get through it. And I'm really going to try and not use food as my 'method' or try and 'justify' bad choices because of what I'm going through. That being said, I made some bad choices today (haha) and I probably will in the future. So I guess I'm just hoping for some understanding. My relationship/dependency on food is already hard for me. And honestly, added stress is going to make it even more difficult. But I'm working on trying to combat it. I really am. But it's going to be hard. And I guess I just wanted to be honest about it. 

rough day

Today was bad. Seriously got thrown a wrench that hit me over and over and over in the head. Or at least it felt like it. So I allowed myself to be upset for awhile and then sat down and tried to come up with a game plan. I guess life is like that some times. 

So I'm still feeling a bit blah and I'm headed to bed. Hope you all have a good weekend. 

whoops

Apparently I skipped a post again.

Anyway - I've been getting our tax stuff together (which takes me a long time since I'm not that organized with all that ... surprise, surprise ...) and I have our appointment in the morning ... which also happens to the be the same time that I'm supposed to take the oldest child to a birthday party ... and the husband will be at work. Thankfully my sitter was available and she'll be helping me out. Oh - and did I mention that the husband is sick? 

Yeah ... it's a bit chaotic in our house right now.