Why?

Okay, so here's what's been on my mind lately. 

I'm just frustrated. Or maybe more sad. Or defeated. 

I know my weight will go up tomorrow because while I have made some good choices this week, I have definitely made some bad as well. Could it be bloat? Sure. Why not. But I'm just back to being in this oh-so-frustrating point in my life. 

I feel like I'm losing motivation. My focus is dwindling and I while I have such  good  great intentions, I'm finding myself in the same spot week and after week.

Why can't I be one of those people who have a really fast metabolism?

Why can't I be one of those people who 'naturally' loves to exercise?

Why can't I be one of those people who loves to run?

Why can't I be one of those people who has an aversion sweet? 

Why can't I be one of those people who can practice self-control?

I hate that I'm sitting here... admitting my shortcomings... but I don't know what else to do. I started this blog so I'd have a form of accountability... so again, I'm hoping that this can continue to be one for me. And with that, I have a new plan. 

I decided that every day I'm going to post photos of what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I know, sounds weird, but I need the accountability. And if I don't post them, well... that will be a bit embarrassing, as it'll obviously mean I ate something bad - haha!

Tonight we went to Trader Joe's and stocked up on a bunch of stuff, and tomorrow we'll hit the 'regular' grocery store too. My plan is to PLAN out the week so I'll have everything on hand that I need. I think that's a HUGe problem for me as I tend to get busy and then I don't have things on hand, so its easier (and faster) to hit a drive-thru. 

And just in case you're wondering, my kids do eat healthy. I have two kids that have 'food issues'. My daughter's percentage on the 'weight scale' is .08 (yes - that's LESS than 1%). She's adopted and her genetic make up contains Mexican, Vietnamese, Chinese and a dash of French. She is 'built' like the women in her biological maternal family as they were SUPER petite (I felt like a monster next to them). She drinks 'chocolate milk' every day (and sometimes twice if we're lucky) that consists of Pediasure and Carnation Instant Breakfast... a whoppin' 350 calories - YES! She hates bread , loves hard boiled egg whites and cucumbers. I don't know what I'd do without yogurt and cheese. 

My son? He's allergic to Dairy and Soy. Lovely. It would be the exact opposite of his sister. But he loves rice (well, he IS Asian...), green beans, avocado, noodles... he'll eat just about anything. The kids go to a Pediatric GI Specialist for weight checks every 8 weeks and she thinks they're doing great. And of course they're allowed to have some 'fattening' foods as well. It's all about balance for them. 

So I think that's partly where I run into trouble. I have all these random foods for the kids and some of them are high calorie - and of course I eat them too. The worst one? The Nutritionist that we were seeing for the kids told me to take Cheerios, toss them in Oil, and then re-bake them to make them crispy and give them to my daughter. I thought that sounded gross but I did it anyway... um... yeah. They are like the BEST THING EVER. So I had to put the kabosh on those as I couldn't stop eating them. 

Anyway, I'm totally rambling now, so I'll stop. 

But I'll leave it at this:

Each day I'll post photos of what I eat

Each day I'll do my Jillian DVD 

Each day before I get out of bed, I'll pray that God will give me the strength to accomplish those two things. 

But all that will start on Monday. 

Oh - and feel free to leave comments, but don't be mean to me. I'm still feeling a bit sensitive.