The Road to Recovery

Okay - so I want to talk about a couple of things. 

1) If you do any kind of 'research' on DR (Demand Resistance) one of the main 'causes' cited, is due to over bearing parents with unrealistic expectations of their children. I really want to clarify that I do not believe for ONE MINUTE that is true in my case. I have talked to my parents very openly as to why I think I am the way I am, and I know they understand and believe my thought process on this. I just feel really strongly that I do not want anyone to assume things about my parents or my situation that are obviously not true. (I'm not saying that anyone IS thinking bad things, but I just want to cover my bases and put up my disclaimer as I love my parents very much.)

2) I kinda can't remember what I wanted my second point to be. Oh well. (I guess that's what you get when you're trying to do a blog post and watch your DVR'd 'Chopped' episode at the same time ...)

Oh - and something I learned today. The way my DR manifests itself through my 'hoarding' isn't what you'd think. I guess when I think of a typical 'hoarder', I think of someone who 'collects'. They save things, or buy compulsively. Granted, I can buy some things on impulse, but I don't buy them compulsively (now I'm really going to laugh if people come on here and challenge me on that. HA!)

Also, I've always considered myself to be one of those 'creative/messy types'. It may look like chaos to you - but I know where everything is. This is also where my 'perfectionism' comes in. I've had people wonder why I would keep certain 'work things' SUPER organized, but other stuff not. From what I'm reading, if I truly love something, or am super interested in it, I will do whatever it is I need to do - because I enjoy it.  BUT - since I have so much of it right now (ribbon, clips, fabric, etc) my 'perfectionist' side has this 'idealistic' idea of what I want everything to look like (think containers, labels, pens... all that kind of stuff). Since it's too 'idealistic', or I don't have the exact supplies, it becomes too much of an overwhelming project for me. So it becomes a burden... which then turns into something I know I HAVE to do, or SHOULD be doing, etc. And then that's where the resistance comes in. Also, if I have stuff that I know I should put away. I won't. And in a weird subconscious way

it's because I know I don't 'HAVE' to. It's basically subconscious rebellion. 

Another thing I read was how Perfectionists never start projects because they're trying to find the 'perfect starting point'. This has never rung more true to me. I'm always telling the husband, 'maybe I should start in the playroom ... no, actually, I should start in my office ... wait, maybe I should do the garage first since I know stuff will end up having to go in there... ' and true to form... I don't do anything. One of the main things they tell you to do, is to just START. They say that there will NEVER be the perfect starting point, so just start. And start ANYWHERE. It can be simple, small, it doesn't matter. 

One of the things they also suggested is to create an environment that you enjoy. Play music, make yourself a cup of coffee, have a snack out; it doesn't matter what you choose, but make your environment something you WANT to be in. Which this completely makes sense to me. Since we DRers will do whatever we need to do if we enjoy it, then it why not make it a party if it entices you to make good choices. 

So here's the next steps I'm doing because I want to (and yes, these are suggested exercises to help me overcome my DR):

1) As soon as I'm done with this post, I will use the new notebook I bought today, to make some specific SHORT lists of things I can organize tomorrow. (for instance - I can't write 'clean the dinning room'. Instead I need to write 'clear off the top of the dinning room table' or 'put all bags by the table away')

2) I will also write 'positive goals' about what I want to accomplish tomorrow. (for instance, I could write, 'I want to organize the dinning room table' or 'I want to put away the bags by the table') The reason for this is that I need to focus on performance goals and not outcome goals. The reason is because I have more control over performance goals, whereas outcome goals can be prone to failure due to events beyond my control.

3) I will read my 'positive goals' before I go to bed and when I get up in the morning.

4) Before I start to work on my goals, I will create a positive environment to work in. 

So the first step was identifying the problem. So wish me luck on starting the follow through.